In order to explain this project I decided, instead of telling you a sorrowful story behind it, to just post the series of photographs including project’s description, as it is. I wrote this short intro a while ago (see below ) when I was making a photo book. Well, book is a strong word for it but it’s my first one and I’m so happy it’s printed, so for me it is indeed a photo book. In addition to edition of only 6 ex I also handmade a limited edition book that I saw myself and filled with gelatin silver prints. Now this photo book is in private collection in Sweden.
For about half a year ago I submitted 10 photographs from this series to LensCulture’s Magnum Photography Awards 2016. The project is rather weak yet, so it was interesting and very important for me to get a review (which was included in the application as a bonus). I was extremely happy to receive so many words of empathy and understanding! A person, who never met me and doesn’t really know the story behind the project, writes about the emotions I wanted to show, basing it only on my short description and 10 frames. There is nothing better than your work being understood. It gives energy and motivation to continue creating these emotions.
I’d like to show you some photographs including the intro so you can feel the project and make your own mind about it. Next time you’ll read about the struggles of starting this project, and how photography helped me.
| əkˈseptəns |
The 17th of December. Eight years ago, today, my father’s life changed. He had the ocean shrunk to a few square meters room. He used to sail around the world being away from home for months. Now he goes out of the house only a few times a year but «home» is even further away from him than ever before. My mother, she works hard and lives her own life, they’ve been in an informal «divorce» for many years but she takes care of him, of course.
I haven’t lived with my parents for almost nine years and every time I go there — it feels like I enter my past, it’s never easy. I can still hear them fighting. My father’s sickness is looping in my life, constantly reminding me that I cannot get over it. One day I realized I’d taken no pictures of my family in years, specially of my father. Well, it is hard to let yourself be a part of it and not run away, hard to live under such circumstances when nothing can be changed. Acceptance is the thing that I’m still trying to achieve. I think in some way anyone could recognize their family situations while going through my project and I hope my photographs will show that acceptance is not impossible. This project is helping me to abstract myself from it in another way, through understanding, through absorbing instead of forgetting and keeping my feelings far away from me. (December, 2012.)
I still have a few frames left that I never dared to develop. I always scan to a raw negative that I invert myself using RGB curves. The photographs of my father are in colour and every time I tried to make a positive picture I close my Photoshop without saving. My teacher once told me to leave these photos as they are, negatives, because it was too sensitive. Acceptance is much harder than it seems…
The post doesn’t contain the complete series. You can find the rest of the project in my portfolio.Thank you for being here with me.